Your desire and motivation are the foundations for
developing the courage to live a life truer to yourself.
Let’s explore how!
Goals are not equal
Every memorable journey starts with a meaningful goal that inspires you. Having a goal is like a destination on a trip. Sure it’s fun to explore and venture randomly in a new city.
You could discover it’s hidden gems, but without a destination you’ll not be able to even get to that city. You’ll just explore your backyard, unaware of all the beauty the world has to offer.
All of us want to :
BE LOVED :
We want to be accepted by others. We want to feel nurtured, loved and belong. This pushes us to pursue achievements and accomplishments. We think that if we become the person we ideally want to be, then others will admire us for it.
We want to feel safe. We want a life without trouble, filled with peace and security. This pushes us to not make mistakes. We think if we are the person we ought to be, no one will get disappointed or angry at us.
Science tells us these two fundamental desires can lead us to great success or backfire. It all depends on the type of goals we set for ourselves…
BAD GOALS :
1. “Have to” goals : by doing what others tell us to do, we can avoid doing things we like. Or we can end up doing things we dislike but “should do”, sacrificing our well-being.
2. Success at all costs. Pushing ourselves too much, and striving for overachievement. Seeking wealth, fame, attractiveness to raise our self-worth.
3. Avoiding failure at all costs. We hope to preserve our self-worth but this leads to inaction, non taking opportunities, and killing serendipity.
4. Be Better than Others. It’s about being seen as more competent or better than others. It’s a daily battle in which every win counts little, and every loss feels like hell.
GOOD GOALS :
1. Giving : Caring for others. Giving back to the world. Bonding and creating new relationships.
2. Becoming better : Growing as persons, learning from our experiences and developing new skills.
3. Purpose/Enjoying : doing things we enjoy, or achieving things that reflect who we are and our values.
Recent research points out that 87% of people are dissatisfied with their own personality, and would like to change it.
The good news is that you can!
1 – UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE
It’s about starting to pay attention to the patterns that push us to behave, think and feel in a certain way. Once you have a good idea, you’ll know what makes you tick, what gives you energy and fills you with meaning.
2 – CHANGE WHAT YOU DON’T LIKE
No one has to live on an emotional roller coaster, getting angry or sweating small things. As you start to become aware of your internal clockwork, you can start to change what’s blocking you from living the life you want.
When we want to make progress, to learn or to do something new, we face difficulties quite quickly. It’s the first steps are the most difficult. When a rocket takes off it burns more than 90% of its fuel to travel less than 5% of the total distance it has to go.
To overcome the initial inertia and difficulties we can gain strength from our values. Knowing what we value can also help us take the best decisions in our lives: from what type of partner to look for, to our work and hobbies.